What Do You Hate About Weddings?

My friend Alex hates calla lilies at weddings. (“Everybody knows those are for funerals.”) Katy can’t stand DJs who play breakup songs at the reception (“There’s nothing appropriate about a bunch of girls dancing to ‘I Will Survive!’“)

This got me thinking about common wedding complaints. I firmly believe all my friends are geniuses, so I reached out to several brilliant, hilarious members of my inner circle. Here’s how they responded to the timely question:

What do you hate about weddings?

1. “When the bride and groom make you wait at the reception for their arrival while they’re doing something ridiculous like cruising around town on a beer bus taking pictures. It’s even worse if they don’t have any food or drink while you’re waiting. Especially drink.

2.I hate it when other female guests wear white dresses besides the bride or bridal party. I think it’s tacky and stealing the bride’s thunder, so to speak.

3.Any kind of introduction of the bridal party by an emcee involving a microphone. Simply horrifying. I had to endure it once and there wasn’t enough tequila in the world to help me with the humiliation!

4. “How about when decidedly secular people have prayerful, religious weddings? OK, I don’t actually mind that, even from a [wild bride]. It’s when people keep referring to them as ‘innocent’ or ‘pure-hearted’ or a ‘woman of God.’ When I KNOW they’ve cheated on the very person with whom they’re exchanging vows, rings, or messy bites of cake.

5. “Centerpieces that block your view of the people across the table. Or a bad sound system at the ceremony!

6. “Bridesmaids’ dresses that you have to buy for yourself!?! If you’re going to put me in mauve faux taffeta, at least have the decency to pay for the dress. And really, after all the money brides cough up for weddings these days, what’s another $1,000 or $2,000 toward dresses for their closest friends?

7. “Finger foods for dinner. If you’re getting married at any time approaching dinner, please serve a meal.

8. “I feel like you should be able to sit with whoever you want at weddings. There is nothing worse than being put at a table with a bunch of randoms that you don’t know and frankly don’t want to mingle with.

Where to begin? Maybe with the ritualistic gathering of single girls for the throwing of the bouquet? Seriously, after the age of 28, who wants to be singled out as being single?

10. “Any sort of themed dance, a la chicken, dollar dance, or even worse, 15 different combinations of first dances. ‘Now it’s time for the bride to dance with her first grade teacher, and after that the groom will dance with his second cousins….’ Ugh!

Longtime followers already know my feelings about white tuxedos, outsourcing thank-you notes, and registering for a honeymoon.

Now I put the question to you. Tell me, darling readers, what are your wedding pet peeves?

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