Instead, please send thoughts and prayers to nine-year-old Noah Cyrus, pictured here at a Halloween-themed charity event in Los Angeles.
Today’s Quiz: What’s most baffling?
A) That you can buy hubba-hubba black boots in such a tiny size.
B) That some adult who shares her last name presumably purchased this costume.
C) That nobody’s quite sure what she’s supposed to be, exactly.
Let’s imagine for a second that your child chooses this getup. Your job as a parent is to say, “Ooh, yes, isn’t that something!” then gently steer her toward just about anything else in the store.
Tinkerbell. Princess Leia. Or a trendy vampire, even.
Godspeed, little Noah. Your first name is the least of your concerns.