Royal Faux Pas

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are now officially married, which can only mean one thing.

Some overbearing acquaintance has already poked poor Kate in her ironing-board of a belly and boomed:

So!? When can we expect an heir to the throne?

Whether it’s good-natured excitement, old-fashioned nosiness or unbridled curiosity, some people just can’t contain themselves when it comes to other people’s reproductive plans.

You can imagine what I think of this.

Astonishingly enough, having a baby doesn’t always quench the pestering. The second a newborn comes home from the hospital, friends, relatives and casual bystanders start speculating about the prospect of a sibling.

Mon dieu!

For obvious reasons, starting a family is a very private matter. It doesn’t always happen on the first try. Not everyone wants to get pregnant. Some mothers-to-be don’t wish to share the news at 12 weeks on the dot. And so on.

While we’re on the topic, one must never, ever ask, “When are you due?” unless one has irrefutable confirmation that the woman in question is actually pregnant.

There’s nothing worse than mistaking a big lunch or a weight fluctuation for a bundle of joy. If a baby is en route, we’ll find out eventually. If not, it was never any of our business to begin with.

Having said that, a couple like Will and Kate will have to go to extraordinary lengths to keep any such news under wraps. Check out the horrifyingly perfect cover of this week’s New Yorker:

Personally, I won’t be speculating anytime soon. I’m still too busy swooning over those breathtaking Alexander McQueen dresses

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