Registering For Honeymoons

Annabel,

I grew up with a Miss Manners mother myself, and for the first time we’re in an ‘agree to disagree’ moment about a particular wedding etiquette. Times are changing and there are certain ideas and traditions that we just need to accept and get with the times on.

In this case I’m talking about wedding gift giving. Now don’t panic, I’m not straying far….just something I thought was a new way of thinking.

Now, not all couples are $$ lucky enough on their own or within their fams to afford big honeymoons. Who is these days?! A clever little site called HoneyFund.com was created just for those folks. Say if a couple doesn’t want or need sheets, place settings, or blenders, they can kindly redirect the invitees, if they’re inclined to give gifts, to contribute to their honeymoon expenses.

Yes, this was a faux pas in the past to ask guests to pay for anything along these lines, but why, in this day, age, and economy, is that still such an awful thing? Just saying! Curious as to your take on this one.

A

Dear A,

You’re not going to like this, but I’m with your mother.

I understand the infinite practicality of honeymoon registries, and I agree that the rules of social engagement evolve over time. But from an etiquette point of view, I just can’t support this.

Please take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. I’m an old-school WASP, which means I’m deeply uncomfortable talking about money.

I can’t help it. I find the whole practice of registering for honeymoons tacky and crass.

Lots of brides don’t know this, but emblazoning your registry information upon shower and wedding invitations is ill-mannered to begin with. Turning the registry into a brisk financial transaction makes it even worse.

Besides, this mechanism already exists. Many wedding guests write checks in lieu of sending a gift. The happy couple can of course use the money in whatever way they see fit. The only difference is they can’t monitor their fiscal progress as though they were hosting a telethon.

I know this must sound stuffy and outmoded, but that’s my unvarnished opinion. I understand why people are launching honeyfunds, but I would never, ever do it myself.

Graciously yours,

ANNABEL MANNERS

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