Men’s Fashion: The Short Story

Honestly, I’m not sure what a person could feasibly do in this outfit besides paint the guest room or clean out the garage.

You probably think I’m talking about Ms. Spears, but actually, my quibble is with her current paramour — the heartbreaker shown here wearing unforgivably sloppy shorts.

Meet David Lucado, whose entire outfit says, “I’ve given up completely. And I’m color blind.”

I used to work in a flagrantly casual office where men would greet the business day in get-ups like this. Droopy cargo shorts. Tired t-shirts. The wrong sneakers. Horrid hats. Most baffling of all, some of them were also wearing wedding rings! I’d give an involuntary little shiver and think, “Oh, sir. Your wife is asleep at the wheel.”

Today’s Haute Tip: If your man has no innate sense of style, HELP HIM. Don’t let him leave the house looking like Frumpelstiltskin.

  • Do a ruthless closet sweep and eliminate anything baggy, dingy, dated or lame.
  • Insist on shirts that require an iron or a trip to the dry cleaner.
  • Put your kitten-heeled foot down the second you see pleated pants or ill-fitting shorts. Really, it’s for the greater good.

Alas, Britney Spears has nothing to offer Mr. Lucado in the styling department. After all, this is a woman who’s magnetically drawn to sweatpants, side cleavage and wardrobe malfunctions. The chicest thing about Britney is her ex, who currently has a hit single all about being dapper.

Learn from him, David. Let JT (or Jay Z) be your sartorial guide!

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